Is it really insanity? Or is it the result of watching nothing but the BabyFirst TV Channel for 3 months straight??
Now, I'm not against kids shows. In fact there's quite a charm to them. But when you can quote every line on said shows, YOU ARE GOING INSANE.
BabyFirst TV is home to what has got to be the most monotonous, obnoxious, whiny, ear-splitting characters I have ever seen. And you know what? I'm going to tear them apart for you. ONE! BY! ONE!
They look to me like a kids' version of SlipKnoT. Minus the horrific masks.
Did I mention how they sound when they all talk at once (which they do quite often)? They sound like a miniature squad of whiny demons!
Anyway, onto my next character rant.
Hey BabyFirst, The Hub Network called. They say they want their intellectual property back!
But, aside from the class-action lawsuit we'll see in a few months, let's look at some of the "educational" features of this show.
This pink... uh, thing, does nothing but swirl around and color things. That's IT. No words, no interaction, NOTHING. Just colorful visuals! They don't even say what color it's painting! It's just colors. Colors and music.
You know, I could get the same exact thing at any Pink Floyd concert with the proper amount of LSD.
As any "As Seen On TV" commercial would say, "But wait! There's more!"
Okay, so imagine this. Someone knocks at your door. It could be anybody. Your friend, the Mail Courier, The UPS guy, The Department of Homeland Security, whoever! What's the first thing you do?
You drop what you're doing and answer the door. Simple isn't it?
But noooooo, we have to do it TILLIE'S WAY! First she tries to figure out where the knocking is from... She looks under the rug, behind the TV, and under her couch before it finally clicks inside her hollow cranium that someone is knocking at the door! Look if you hear knocking from any of those places except the door, RUN. Get out of the house as fast as you can! Because either you either need the Police or an Exorcist.
Oh, and when she does figure out that it's a potential visitor, she does what? Tries to guess what kind of animal is knocking at the door, based off of the sounds said animal is producing. And I'm assuming that the sounds are equivalent to "Please open the door, I'm ____" (You can insert whatever you'd like there.)
She even throws in a pseudo-cutesy "Who iiiiissssssss iiiittttttttttt?" to add effect. Excuse me? I could be bleeding on your doorstep and you're trying to guess what species I am based off of my painful gargling!
Now, onto my next victim of harsh criticism.
Now, I'm no forensics expert, but isn't it kind of counter-intuitive to tell someone they're close to something you're trying to hide from them?
Also, their voices. I'll admit, Sammy's voice is tolerable, but Eve's voice... Oh my God EVE's voice! You couldn't find worse voice acting in an old Bruce Lee movie! [DISCLAIMER: I actually really like Bruce Lee.]
If I recall correctly, and I often do, I'm pretty sure I have seen something very similar to this in an episode of Wonder Showzen (DON'T WATCH IT).
These oversized, radioactive rats do a variety of things (finally, some variety!) including pushing things around, examining various small objects, playing pretend, and singing.
As before, I HATE bad voice acting. And these little demons have the most insincere, nasal, whiny voices I have EVER heard on television. Where is the standard??? It seems for this bubonic trio, there is no standard too low for them!
Okay, so now that I have completely trashed the integrity of this show, I would like to remind you that this is meant to be a humorous post. I absolutely enjoy every moment with my son, creepy TV shows or not.